Search | Statistics | User Listing Forums | Calendars | Albums | Quotes | Skins | Language
The Quilt and Needle Forums
You are logged in as a guest. ( logon | register )

Random quote: "I'm creative! You can't expect me to be neat too." -- Author Unknown
- (Added by: nawma)


For my son and family
Jump to page : 1
Now viewing page 1 [15 messages per page]
View previous thread :: View next thread
   Well Wishes and Sympathy -> Sympathy and Prayer RequestsMessage format
 
ohiorose53
Posted 2012-02-03 2:26 PM (#66476)
Subject: For my son and family



Extreme Veteran

Posts: 558
5002525
Location: Motown

Shared something with Gerda the other day, and she encouraged me to share here for support.  About a week into January, we woke up to find all four of our tires slashed. The funny thing is I heard the dog barking about four-thiry in the morning, but didn't investigate because I assumed the paper carrier had hit the storm door when delivering the paper. When I called Doug to come give his dad a ride to get a rental car he informed me that his girlfriend had broken up with him the previous night. Later that day I learned that the tires on her father's truck had also been slashed. Then a few days later, the tires on the car that Doug's roommate drives were slashed.

Here's the thing. The three vehicles were in three different neighborhoods. All three were parked in the drive, up near the house. All three houses have a streetlight either in front of the house or across the street; we also leave our porch light on all night. No other vehicles in any of the neighborhoods were targeted, and there were plenty of easier targets parked up and down the streets. It is pretty obvious that we were in someone's crosshairs, although the reason is still unclear to me. I have been told that the ex-girlfriend had begun seeing someone before she broke up with my son and apparently the new beau is involved with drugs. My personal opinion, which I have shared with the police on numerous occassions, is that the vandalism was a message being sent to us by him not to interfere.

At any rate, Doug was devastated by the break-up and, although he never said, I think he was thinking the same thing as I about the vandalism; he felt responsible and powerless that bad things were happening to people he cared about because of him. Those of you who visit on Facebook knew he was in hospital. The reason was because he felt overwhelmed by it all and tried to hang himself. He is home from the hospital now, he is on medication to help with the mood swings, it seems to be helping, and he is seeing a therapist. 

His confidence has really taken a hit, but a few years ago he worked a temporary job for a new company doing energy audits. Apparently the company really took off, so one of his friends has been trying to hook him up with a permanent position. I have been helping him with a resume, we still have a cover letter to finish. His dad and I and his brother and other family and friends have all been encouraging him to put the past behind him and to plan for a new day. (My 93 year old mother's advice: girlfriends are like a bus. If you miss one, there'll be another one along in a few minutes. And she heard it about boyfriends from her maiden aunt some 70 years ago!)

The biggest stumbling block to his recovery is the ex-girlfriend. She just keeps playing mind games with him. Calling and texting about how much she really cares, but she just needs her space. Or talking about how the new boyfriend is so clingy: Wow! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Doug couldn't go anywhere, do anything without her calling to check up on him. She had even called our house at two or three in the morning because she couldn't sleep and she wanted me to get up & make sure he was sleeping and wasn't just ignoring her calls to his cell phone! OMG!!!! I think she suffers from 'damsel in distress' syndrome. My son got her out of a volatile situation at home; the dad was abusive, after his death the brother picked up right where he left off. I think she is expecting him to rescue her from this, to 'prove' himself. For someone from Generation X, she sure has some antiquated ideas! I tried to mentor her and 'indoctrinate' her with some feminist ideals. Basically, that she needed to stand up for herself and see herself as a survivor, not a victim. And truthfully, I did my best to convince them both that the notion of people 'completing' one another is just romantic who-ha for selling music CD's and movie tickets. In the real world, soulmates complement one another and that is the best one one can hope for. 

I can see that my venting is starting to ramble, so I will ask for prayers that Doug can change the things he can change and accept the things he can't and to always be moving forward, even if it is just baby steps. And I ask for prayers for Steve and myself that we find the strength to help him out of this dark place back into the light. On a good day, he is a handful, so this is going to take every bit of strength we can muster. Thank you for letting me vent, and thank you for listening. Mental/behavioral health still has such a stigma attached, makes a person reluctant to share for fear of being rebuffed. But Gerda assured me that no one here would judge, that you all are good sounding boards and would offer your support, which, of course, I knew since you have all been there for me so many times before. Forgive me for forgetting?    

 

Top of the page Bottom of the page
MsMeow
Posted 2012-02-03 6:22 PM (#66478 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: RE: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 4808
20002000500100100100
Location: Winter Garden, FL
Oh, Meg, what an awful story! One thing I would suggest is that your son get a new phone number - and DON'T give it to her! And if you have any evidence that it is the new boyfriend committing what amounts to terrorist acts, keep going to the police. Maybe they will listen before someone gets hurt.

Also, encourage him to keep up the therapy. My sister went to a therapist for several years after her husband died suddenly, and recently went back to the same one when her boyfriend of six years decided to tell her he'd been seeing someone else for nearly a year and he just wanted "to be friends." I know the therapy has really helped my sister.

Please don't be shy or embarassed about venting here with us. I'm not a parent so can't really offer any other advice, but I sure can lend an ear and say a prayer for your family, as well as the young lady who seems to be seriously emotionally messed up.

{{{{{{Doug, Meg & Steve}}}}}}
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Dorian
Posted 2012-02-03 6:49 PM (#66482 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: RE: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 7591
50002000500252525
Location: Far Northern California
((Meg)) I'm so very sorry this is happening. Sending up prayers for you all.
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Jess
Posted 2012-02-03 10:36 PM (#66488 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: Re: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 4139
2000200010025
Location: Central Texas
Meg,

I have no great words of wisdom, but I can offer prayers and an compassionate ear. Hugs. Glad you remembered.
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Potter 2
Posted 2012-02-05 10:10 PM (#66516 - in reply to #66488)
Subject: Re: For my son and family


Veteran

Posts: 118
100
Location: New Jersey
Meg,

I will pray for all of you. Each day will get better !!

Hugs,
Gina
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Brn2sew
Posted 2012-02-08 1:01 PM (#66551 - in reply to #66516)
Subject: Re: For my son and family


Expert

Posts: 2445
200010010010010025
Location: Huron, SD
Prayers going out for Doug and your whole family, Meg.  Wishing you all peace and understanding.
Top of the page Bottom of the page
misisipimenace
Posted 2012-02-10 7:02 PM (#66580 - in reply to #66551)
Subject: Re: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 6750
500010005001001002525
Location: THE LAND OF SWEET MAGNOLIA BLOSSOMS

{{{{{{{{{{MEG & DOUG & STEVE & FAMILY}}}}}}}}}}

meg i am so sorry this is happening (and truly sorry that i just now saw this )  i wish i had some sage advice, but i don't . . . keep up the therapy, keep letting him know how much you love & value him . . . wow . . . just wow . . . i am definitely keeping you and yours in prayer!

Top of the page Bottom of the page
Wendy MI
Posted 2012-02-12 8:49 PM (#66620 - in reply to #66580)
Subject: Re: For my son and family


Extreme Veteran

Posts: 427
10010010010025
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MEG AND FAMILY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

So sorry this has happened, Meg. Prayers going up for you and your family.

Wendy
Top of the page Bottom of the page
ohiorose53
Posted 2012-02-15 1:22 PM (#66665 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: RE: For my son and family



Extreme Veteran

Posts: 558
5002525
Location: Motown

Just want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Doug is back to work although he doesn't have a vehicle right now so I am transporting him four night a week. He is a deliveryman, so he didn't want to change his phone number and have customers not be able to reach him. We did manage to separate the contract so he isn't paying for her phone anymore and he was able to block her number so she can't call or text him. He 'unfriended'her on Facebook and is using a different e-mail address.

He is considering a restraining order as well. One night when he was here for dinner, she and the new boyfriend showed up at his house. There is a new roommate who didn't realize that this was the fellow who had been challenging Doug until after he was through the door. Fortunately the two roommates engaged him while the ex-girlfriend got the rest of her stuff and they left with no personal or property damage.

This is so totally out of my realm of experience. I was not raised in an environment like this, not were my children. Instead of acting like responsible young adults, they seem more to me, with all the posturing and the challanging, to be a pack of deranged silver-backed gorillas vying for bragging rights. If these are our future leaders, we are in a world of hurt. 

Top of the page Bottom of the page
MsMeow
Posted 2012-02-15 7:58 PM (#66679 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: Re: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 4808
20002000500100100100
Location: Winter Garden, FL
Meg, it sounds like he is working through it. I'm glad now his roommates know who to look out for! I hope they are now bored with Doug and go on to some other pastime.
Top of the page Bottom of the page
scraphappydenise
Posted 2012-02-15 11:20 PM (#66686 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: RE: For my son and family



Expert

Posts: 3574
200010005002525
Location: Portland Oregon
Meg.... glad to hear that things are settling down some for Doug.... he's lucky that you are able to get him to and from work.   prayers will continue that life becomes easier for him day by day. 
Top of the page Bottom of the page
sew'nsew
Posted 2012-02-18 3:08 PM (#66721 - in reply to #66476)
Subject: Re: For my son and family


Elite Veteran

Posts: 864
5001001001002525
Location: PNW
You and your family are in my prayers. Girl/boy friends can cause such heartbreak. I'm glad Doug is seeing the wisdom of breaking all ties with her. I pray he will grow stronger in confidence and faith that the future will be better.
God Bless,
Top of the page Bottom of the page
Jump to page : 1
Now viewing page 1 [15 messages per page]
Jump to forum :
Search this forum
Printer friendly version
E-mail a link to this thread

(Delete all cookies set by this site)
Running MegaBBS ASP Forum Software
© 2002-2019 PD9 Software